A Weak Heart

Exercise is hard.

I have asthma, meaning running is twice as hard as it should be (or at least I let myself believe that). I ran nearly every day for a year, and my endurance only increased a little - running three miles without stopping was something for me to be proud of. My lungs burn with intense cardio, and I feel like I never get my second wind. It only gets harder as the minutes pass.

I stopped running completely after my dad died, and after a few months I could feel the weakness in my body. My legs would burn as I walked up stairs, and my heart would strain against the exercise. Living life was a lot harder than it should have been.

I've never been a healthy person. Asthmatic, anemic, and hypotensive, I often feel like I'm living in a dark, dizzy bubble. None of that makes aerobic exercise any easier, but I know my body needs it. I want my heart to be as healthy as possible. I refuse to be a victim of heart disease.

After the run, I feel so good. The runner's high is something I look forward to. Despite my body's troubles, I feel healthy. But lately, I can barely keep my pace up. I've downgraded to the elliptical, and I feel like that is somehow cheating. I can go so much longer on the elliptical, and that makes me think that it's just not as good for me, that it doesn't stack up to the benefits of the treadmill or the road. Is this the case? I still haven't decided.